Satire: Classified Ads From the Freezer Shelf

Satire. Fictional characters and events, written for fun. Nothing here describes real results.

The bulletin board in a certain lab freezer has reached its weekly deadline. Here are today’s listings.

Wanted

WANTED: Stable minus-20. Frost-free cycles need not apply. Contact the vial in the back left corner.

SEEKING: Companion for long-term storage. Must be a fellow lyophilized peptide. Prolines a plus.

For Sale

ONE SLIGHTLY USED bacteriostatic water vial. Multi-puncture tested. No questions asked.

FREE TO GOOD HOME: a half-used box of 1 mL syringes. Researcher “does not remember buying these.”

Personals

BPC-157 + TB-500 seek stable partnership. We come premixed. Ratio is 1:1 by milligram and negotiable by micromole. See our Nasal Wolverine 10mg listing.

Lost and Found

Found: one unlabeled vial. Owner may claim it by providing a lot number. We will wait.

Reminder

Label everything. Date everything. The shelf thanks you. Keep reading for next week’s ads.

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For laboratory research use only. Not for human or veterinary use, and not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any condition. This article is educational and is not medical advice.